not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
