and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
