i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
