There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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