what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
