Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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