I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
