We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
