I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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