He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
