i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
