Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
