so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
