i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
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yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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