I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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