he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
