Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
