shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
