i jhust puked up my retainher.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
