We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
