he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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