Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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