forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
