why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
