if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
