Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
