If i come over, it means nothing
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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