I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
