OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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