whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I lost the right to judge tonight
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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