At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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