farters have to be the big spoon...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
