Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
