Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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