just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We smell like vodka and hangover
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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