something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
