Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we made out on top of his cat.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize