Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
