Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
