Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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