You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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