I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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