Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
