Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
