He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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