We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
