another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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