i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
