I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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