It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
