And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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