im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
