Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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