well I can't set my house on fire every night
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
