i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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