Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
