Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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