I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
