I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
