His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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