white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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