dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
