whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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