it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
