so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
