i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
