Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
