im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
