Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
