and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
